Back to Work

Yesterday was my first day back at work after my maternity leave.  Sad day.  I got to take 11 weeks total which is basically what I have done with each of my kids.  It just never seems like long enough.

I woke up with Olivia for her middle of the night feed early Monday morning and just gave her all the snuggles because I knew I wasn't going to be able to see her before I left for work.  Which was exactly what happened.  

At about 4:50 am, I was woken up by Luke.  He came over to my side of the bed and said, "Hi Mommy." So I grabbed him and threw him in bed with me for some morning snuggles.  Our alarm was going to go off at 5:02 am anyway, so it wasn't a big deal.  Then everything seemed like a "normal" day.  I took a shower, and helped get the big kids ready for their day.

Then Sharren came over to hang out with the kiddos.  She's such an amazing lady, and the kids call her Grandma Sharren.  I'm so thankful to have her in our lives, and that the kiddos love her so much.  It makes me a happy mamma when I have to leave them to go to work.  

Things were ok for the most part once I got to work.  I think a lot of it was that I didn't actually have to part with Olivia since she was still asleep.  I did spend a lot of time looking at pictures of her throughout the day though.  And I did call daycare once to see how she was doing.  It was kind of sad though, because with both of the other kids on their first day of daycare I got to go and see them and hold them over my lunch break.  I didn't get to do that this time around.  I didn't cry at work this time though.  I thought that was a win.

When work was FINALLY over, I was so very excited to go and pick her up to see how her day was.  Once we got to daycare, I grabbed her and she gave me so many smiles, it just made my heart melt.  I love this little lady so much!  I didn't want to put her down all night.  I got so many great snuggles and smiles!  This is when all the tears came.  Mom guilt.  I know I shouldn't feel it, but I do every time.  I know it will lessen in time, but I also know that it's always going to be there.  I know my kids are just fine and they're going to be wonderful little people as they continue to grow up, but there's always the what ifs.  It's hard being a working Mom at times.

Here she is in my arms at the end of the night.  Overall, I'm just so thankful that I get to be her mommy.  Just look at how sweet she is <3